#15 My husband is so Eff-ing Hawt or…

How I my car got fixed today.

My car is pretty old. It has 168,000 miles on it and still runs just fine. Because it’s old and it’s lived it’s car life in Cleveland, sometimes things break. The latest mishap was the passenger side seat belt. It’s been broken for about 3 months.

I rarely ever take the car to be fixed, my damn handy and hawt husband fixes it for me. Which is hawt, Mega Hawt. My favorite game is calling the local Automotive Parts Yard (read Junk Yard) and asking if they have a part for my 2001 Escape. I happen to know that they have 2 Escapes in the yard and any number of additional spare parts in the warehouse.

Let me backtrack just a little bit.  Why is this particular Junk Yard my favorite?  How is it that a professional, middle aged woman even knows about a Junk Yard?  Let alone has a favorite Junk Yard?

Well, dear reader, I get very very good prices from our guys at the Junk Yard.  DD called for a tail light lense this summer and was quoted $129.00.  I called about a week later for the same part and was quoted $29.00.  SOLD!  I picked up the part that day and saved $100.

I must be a novelty.  How many women dressed in professional business attire go into Pearl Road Auto?   Probably none.  That’s why I get the super low prices.  I like to call it the cute, professionally dressed woman discount.

Back to today’s story. I called for the part.  I was gruffly told they didn’t deal with parts like that.  Maybe I should call another Yard.  He even gave me numbers for other Automotive Parts Yards.

I called again this week and cut him off at the proverbial pass.  I sweetly asked if there were any 2001 Ford Escape’s on the Yard.  “Yes, we have 2 right now”, said gruff Junk Yard counter guy.

“Can I come see you and try to find a seat belt?  Would that be ok?”

“Sure, come on over!”

Ladies and Gentlemen, we had a winner!  I told him I’d see him within an hour and pull the seatbelt from the yard myself. I didn’t tell him about my super secret weapon, my Hawt Husband.

DD charges into the garage to get his tools and we trundle off to the Junk Yard in the Escape.  Picture this:  Me in the front seat, DD in the back seat.  He has to sit in the back because it has a seatbelt that works!

We get to the Yard and I sweetly ask for the seatbelt.  Nice Junk Yard counter guy motions us behind the counter to the door marked VIP.  No kidding, VIP.  The door goes out into the Yard.

He tells us the Escape is light grey and it’s “over in this section”.  He tells us we’re “on safari now”  and wishes us luck. We look.  We look some more.  I weave and dodge around cars and trucks that have clearly been chopped and beaten with the ugly stick.

There’s car debris everywhere. It looks like there’s been a million horrible car accidents and no one’s  ever cleaned up.  I can only wonder what the Yard is like when it’s been wet.  It has to be a muddy, ungodly shithole and an absolute mess to search and sort.  I’d go though, for the right part at the right price.

We finally find the Escape.  It’s not in the assigned quadrant.  It’s not silver.  But we found it.  It was in a stack of other SUV’s.  And it was on the bottom of the stack.  My question?  Who the hell stacks SUV’s?  And what huge piece of equipment do they use to stack them?

This particular stack?  It was in the middle of about 8 other stacks.  It was a tight squeeze.  DD snagged the seatbelt and uninstalled it.  A tricky proposition when there’s another SUV on top of the one being worked on.  The top SUV was heavy enough that it’s wheels had crushed the windshield of the bottom SUV.

OK, so now the seatbelt is uninstalled we weave our way back to the VIP door to check out.  I show gruff Junk Yard counter guy the seatbelt and say, “How Much?”

“Mmmmm, did anyone give you a price?”  he answered in question form.

Hawt Husband replied, “They said Cheap.  So what’s Cheap?”

“How about 15 bucks?”

“SOLD!”  I said and handed him my debit card.

So my question is this:  What does VIP stand for?  Very Important Puller?  or Very Important Parts?

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About hellpellet

a little pellet of hell
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One Response to #15 My husband is so Eff-ing Hawt or…

  1. Drunkdude69 says:

    You forgot to mention that the dealer wanted $161 for the seat belt we got for $15. Fucking vultures.

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